"Normal"

Its been a few days since my last post. There really hasn't been anything blog worthy going on. I did, however, finally get the results from Nathan's test and everything checked out normal. That is great news. But that also means we're dealing with the unexplained infertility. And I cannot imagine that for the past 18 months we've been 'missing' it. I started doing the temperature charting, which is a little bit of a pain. Every morning before I move a muscle I have to wake up enough to stick that thermometer in my mouth. The problem with this is that normally I have to keep my alarm across the room so I have to physically get up and turn it off... otherwise I'll snooze and over sleep. But for the charting, you're supposed to take it before you even get out of bed. So now my alarm is by the bed and I'm so afraid I'm going to over sleep. I'm willing to do it though.

That's really been it. I've been trying to find a job to fill the afternoons, but its slim pickins around here. So maybe I'll volunteer somewhere in the meantime. I just need to do something.

Honestly, today is kind of a funk day. Back in 2005 when we decided to move to Bowling Green, I decided I wouldn't continue on with school. There's nothing I wanted to be more than a mom and I figured Nathan would graduate after two years in KY and we'd start with the kiddos. Obviously that plan wasn't what God had in mind. Four years later... here we are. I guess I wish I would have stuck with interior design so I'd at least feel like I was doing something. Now don't get me wrong, I love Anya. I adore Anya and am so blessed and grateful to have Linda and Mark in my life. But I feel like I'm seriously just waiting, trying to pass the time. I didn't feel that way so much with Mark, probably because he was in my home with me full time and we did all the things I would be doing with my own child. But I really feel kind of like a failure. I feel like I have accomplished nothing.

I still want to foster, but I don't want to take a child then get pregnant or move and have to have that child placed in a new foster home. I just feel like the future is too unknown right now. So that's still on hold.

I'm sure I'll perk up. After all, Lost is on tonight.