Not Good News

Honestly, I don't really want to write this post, but I really appreciate your thoughts and prayers and didn't want to leave you hanging.

Today did not go so well. It was about 100 times more painful than I had imagined. A couple people who had the procedure said it wasn't painful others said very painful, apparently it varied. Well mine was extraordinarily painful. My doctor almost stopped at one point because it was causing me so much pain. But I made it through with lots of tears and a couple, "Ow... It hurts!! It hurts!!!" I also kept telling myself... I'm doing this for my baby.

Unfortunately both tubes are completely blocked. It should have taken one vial of dye, we went through three. My hope was that if there was a blockage, we'd be able to push through it. No such luck. My Dr. did say its possible the tubes may have seized up, but she didn't really sound like that was the case. The next step is laparoscopy surgery where they'll go in and physically look to confirm the results of this test. They'll do the dye again, but I'll be under general anesthesia.

Assuming the surgery confirms everything, we'll be looking at In-Vitro or adoption. Its definitely a lot to process. I go back and forth between crying and being Ok. Its definitely adding many miles to the road to parenthood. In fact, its more like we exited and now have another 1000 miles to go on a new road. I know that one way or another someday we'll be parents. And I can be very grateful that I have such a great Dr. who in a matter of months found I have PCOS, got me on the proper medication, confirmed male factor infertility is not our issue, and has found our most recent hurdle. A lot of couples go through much more, switching Dr.s, and jumping through hoops. We have one incredible Dr. who is doing everything in her power to help us becomes parents. And even still today she said, "We'll get you pregnant, because I want to deliver your baby." So for that I am very grateful.

And there's no way I would have made it through the HSG today had Nathan not been there with me. He stayed by me calm and smiling the entire time. I squeezed his hand so hard. He told me I was doing well and I'd be OK. He was just so supportive and calming the entire time.

I also have a friend who went through the same thing, also to learn the same thing. They have since adopted two beautiful babies. She called and was very supportive, truly understand both the physical and emotional pain.

I'll continue to have some mild cramping and spotting the next couple days, but its manageable. Tomorrow we'll be in Morgantown, WV for our nephews high school graduation. It'll be a very quick trip, home on Sunday, but will certainly be a welcome distraction.

Please continue to pray for us. As I said, our road has only become longer, but we will never give up on our family.