Not So Ready But So Ready

I'm feeling like tomorrow is Day 1 of our first IVF attempt. Assuming all checks out with the sono hystogram, my understanding is that we will then begin with the dreaded drugs.

I made the mistake of reading a book today at Barnes and Nobles detailing IVF, no detail spared. It was called Infertility Survival Handbook by Elizabeth Swire-Falker. And it freaked me out. I like to plan things; I like to be prepared and know what to expect in any situation. And its not about things going according to my plan, its just about thinking things through. But I have learned that this is not such a good idea with IVF. I mean, I now know what to expect, but I'm afraid I know too much.

The drug regimen will completely stop all hormone production. My entire reproductive system will be completely shut down then controlled artificially. Ladies, you know what a slight change in hormones can do to your body. Myself and several friends ditched birth control pills because of the way it messed up our hormones. So imagine the effects of completely stopping all hormones. And I don't know how many times I've been told... the drugs will make you crazy. I know that with all things, everyone reacts differently, but its definitely cause for anxiety.

My biggest concern at this point is how to cope. It is good that I will not have a job to worry about right now. I know I will want and have to spend a good amount of time taking it very easy. But knowing myself and how I cope with boredom (I usually paint something that probably shouldn't be painted...) I'm not sure what I'm going to do. I'd love to say, I can plan a massage or pedicure, get coffee with a friend, spend the day relaxing by the pool, or catch a matinee chick flick. But A) What if I don't even want to leave the house? B) Our funds are limited so weekly spa trips isn't realistic C) I still have many hours in a day to fill. (Suggestions welcome.)

And as far as blogging during this time. I'm just going to try to go with the flow. I blog for a couple reasons. One being that its simply therapeutic for me. Sure I could keep a journal, but I am an open book. I have no problem sharing my thoughts or feelings; my hope being that down the road it can positively impact someone else going through a similar journey. And of course I want to keep my friends and family who are all eight plus hours away updated. My plan is to continue with this openness through IVF. It is still very personal, so I will be holding back to some degree. And Nathan is going to be taking pictures. Seriously. If IVF is in fact successful, then I want pictures for the baby book! Now I'm not talking about... you know... in the room kind of pictures, but pictures as if Nathan were doing any other photo story. And I'd like a portrait of Dr. Shamma since he is the one "making" our baby. I mean... God is creating our baby of course, but He is definitely using Dr. Shamma to create our miracle.

And to throw in some extra excitement... I'll be celebrating my 24th birthday during it all (the 28th). Do you know what my birthday wish will be this year? Of course you do. :)